BDSM Relationships 3 - Pitfalls and Obstacles
In this third book of the BDSM Relationships series, Peter Masters looks at many of the common pitfalls and obstacles which can get in the way of a satisfying BDSM-based relationship. It's rare that a deficiency in practical BDSM skills, such as flogging technique or ability to tie knots, causes a relationship to fail. Instead they mostly fail due to people problems. These can be misconceptions, assumptions, unreasonable or wrong expectations, poor communication, not appreciating the wants and needs you have yourself and the wants and needs your partner has, not understanding the depth of feelings involved, lack of openness, and sometimes simply poor planning. Often these have a dramatic impact on disparity of power, penetration and engagement. Another of the major problems which BDSM folk have in establishing a BDSM-based relationship with a partner is that there are few role models around. Our society provides ample examples of ordinary non-BDSM relationships, but many of the challenges in a BDSM relationship are unique to BDSM. This means that many newcomers to BDSM, and sometimes even old hands, find themselves in situations for which they aren't prepared and in which there may not be any obvious paths to take to get out. While a non-BDSM relationship may survive failing trust or poor communication, BDSM relationships are often much more affected because of the intimate and very personal nature of much of which BDSM activities involve. The focus of this book is these sorts of problems which are specific to BDSM relationships, and the sorts of problems which may also impact ordinary relationships but which can have their own twist in BDSM. The book attempts to illuminate the road ahead, signpost the potholes and pitfalls, and provide helpful detours around common and not-so-common obstacles.